Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Fighting Through Frustration

I am sitting on my couch with a Pepsi and a Hershey bar.  That's just where I am tonight!  I feel like chaos was hitting me from every direction.  I'm just trying to figure out how I got here--overwhelmed by all the demands, the attitudes, and the ridiculousness of doing God's will.  There, I said it.  It hasn't been easy but now it is just plain draining.  Disrespectful kids, demanding adults, and disappointment. 

There are times when I just want to scream because after so many years, why don't I see much progress?  Sometimes it feels worse than when we started.  I have this idea that if we try hard enough people will make better decisions.  I tire of hearing a slightly different version of the same story.  It seems so easy to just fix the problems from my point of view.  I am just exhausted after tonight.

The problem is that I'm not the one in charge of changing people.  I'm the worker, not the boss.  I am not equipped to completely, selflessly give myself for someone else.  That's the truth.  I hold back for myself, my family.  When I feel like someone is asking too much, I draw a line.  There is only so much I am willing to give and do for others.  So when transformational life change starts with a limit, it will never fully develop solely with my help.  I'm just not equipped to fill those needs.

Thankfully God steps in when I stumble or bulk.  He is the source of selfless giving and meets all of our needs.  I can't force, coerce, or encourage someone to fundamentally change their lives.  My life isn't exactly the definition of perfection.  I have plenty of my own issues that probably irritate people too.  The most important mission is to continue to make disciples.  I need to listen for his guidance about what my part is in the master plan. 

There is work to be done both in and through my life if I am open to the challenge. 

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