Sunday, July 22, 2012

I Am That Mess!

Pokeberries taller than Isaiah, grass two feet tall, a flowerbed that you can't even find for the weeds.  It's reality.  I have only weeded my flowerbeds twice all year and only then because people were coming to visit.  I didn't plant even a flower this year, only the perennials bloomed this year. 

In the hurry of my days, rush in and rush out of the house without even looking around, I hadn't even noticed how overgrown my flowerbeds really were until last week.  A week ago was the first time I spent a day at the house during the workweek since the beginning of April.  I had two appointments for workmen at the house and noticed when I went out to put the dog in that the front of the house was out of control.  At some level, I was embarrassed about the appearance of our home but I know that I can only do so much and I didn't have time for that project yet. 

Until last week, my garden looked the same way.  I actually had to weed the green bean rows before I could find the beans to pick.  Purposefully, I woke up at 6:15 on a Saturday morning to beat the heat just to try to keep up with the urgent.  Not even our house was spared.  My abundance of work has even taken priority over our family time.  Until last week it had been three weeks since I even had the chance clean our house.  Dishes piled up for days at a time, laundry was washed and used from the basket but basic needs were met.

So the truth is I Am That Mess!  I am the one who rushes through my day meeting the urgent needs--not important and certainly not desired.  This may not be where I want to stay but it is where I am.  I am the person that you would talk about when you drive by their house.  I am the one that has dusty shelves and dirty dishes, who has given up on fighting to make the children "presentable" when going in public.

The truth is that I now know what is the urgent, what is important, and what are only my desires.  I can meet the urgent, I am trying for the important, and am hoping for my desires.  As time passes, I know that we will endure the trials and be stronger from the experience.

Through it all, I am thankful for a supportive husband who has stood hand in hand with me during the storms and given grace when our normal lifestyle can't be supported by our current work hours and emotional load.